


Earth's Drunkest Heroes

by peridotprincess



Series: Marvel-ous: One-Shots & More (2019) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 07:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17956508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peridotprincess/pseuds/peridotprincess
Summary: A normal night at a Manhattan nightclub spirals into chaos after some of the Avengers have too much liquor.





	Earth's Drunkest Heroes

    **8:00 p.m.**    

       In a Manhattan nightclub, (Y/N) spends time with her best friend and fellow teammates. Currently, she chats with Bucky, the handsome veteran that caught her eye the day she arrived at the tower. He was extremely charming and his 1940s nicknames for her just made her legs quiver. After she finishes a thought, the (h/c) turns her head to see what her best friend, Nicole was doing. She and Steve were dancing quite close to each other and she could not help but smirk. Unfortunately, she sees a drunk Tony making his way up to the DJ booth.  _That was when everything started to go downhill._

         _This isn't going to be good,_ (Y/N) thought to herself.

        She then heard encouraging whistles from her teammates, with Clint not surprisingly being the loudest. The music suddenly stops and Tony's voice is heard on the speakers.  _This really isn't going to be good._  The (h/c) wants to save her best friend, but she knows that it is a little too late. 

        "I would like to congratulate the Fossil on actually getting Ms. Chang's attention. Let's give them some applause!" Tony shouts into the microphone as the whole club erupts into a mix of claps and cheers. 

        The couple stops dancing as both of their faces turn red in embarrassment. Nicole's knuckles turn white as she grabs onto Steve's blue button up. As the embarrassed couple stays still, Tony leaves and the DJ starts to play his mix once again. Tony stumbles over to the booth that the Avengers shared.

        "Well... the night was fun while it lasted," Steve whispers in his girlfriend's ear as a camera flashes in front of them.

        "Do you think this will be..."

        "All over the news. There is no doubting that." Steve finishes her sentence and gently grabs her hand. 

        "We should definitely go home. This club is not exactly my scene..." Nicole rubs the top of the blond's hand while smiling softly at him. 

        "You are not the only one."

        The smitten couple exit the club as paparazzi chase them down for pictures and questions. (Y/N) frowns while seeing her friend leave, but it was for the best. Although, it would have been nice to have her stay to help her handle what was ahead for the night.

* * *

**9:00 p.m**.

        "Okay, listen, lady, I am taking a nap on this fucking bar whether you would like me to not." Tony drunkenly mumbles as he begins to lay down on the wooden bar.

        At this point, it was too early for anyone to be this drunk, yet Tony Stark had to reach that level anyway. He had annoyed almost every single employee and patron at the club, especially the current bartender who was just trying to do her job. 

        "Mr. Stark, I refuse to have you sleep on my damn bar," the angry female bartender sternly speaks as her brown eyes squint at the billionaire. 

        In all honesty, the bartender wanted to shove this man off of the bar, but she was not catching a lawsuit from an Avenger. "I know that you are tired, but I need this bar to do my job!"

        "Oh, here it comes!" Tony vomits all over the black button up of the bartender then proceeds to lay on the bar taking a nap.

        The bartender tries her best to not lose her cool as she disappears into the back room of the club. (Y/N) turns her head to see a door slam and a sleeping Tony on the other side of the bar. She was so stuck in her conversation with Bucky, she did not even hear Tony's argument with the bartender. (Y/N) rolls her eyes and takes out her cell phone.

        "Can you wake up Tony?" She asks Bucky as he nods and stands up from his stool.

        (Y/N) dials Pepper's number and holds the phone up to her ear. To her surprise, the girlfriend of the drunken Avenger immediately answered. "Hey, Peps, do you mind picking up Tony? He is very... wait, no... He is extremely drunk right now. He is literally sleeping on the bar and I am pretty sure he somehow pissed off one of the bartenders..."

        "As soon as I heard that all of you had gone to a nightclub, I literally rushed from across town just in case. I am in the parking lot already," Pepper replies with an angry sigh, "Let's say I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen."

        "Um, Bucky and I are going to lead him over to the car right now." (Y/N) sighs and hangs up the phone. "Buck, Pepper is literally already outside."

        "She is always prepared." Bucky nods as he helps Tony stand and walk. 

        (Y/N) slips her phone into her black clutch and leads Tony and Bucky to one of the side doors of the club. They carried the tired and mumbling Tony to Pepper's silver sedan. All three of them help him into the passenger seat a secure his seat belt. Tony falls forward and snores loudly while Pepper rolls her eyes in annoyance.

        "Have fun you two," Pepper waves at the duo and walks over to the driver's seat.

        As Pepper drives back to the tower, Bucky and (Y/N) return to the inside of the club. Before Bucky could start his sentence, the duo hears the booming voice of Thor yelling for Pop Tarts. They both rush back to where the shouting came from. To their surprise, Thor had managed to get drunk off a mix of Earthen and Asgardian alcohol. Currently, he had a handful of credit cards and other rectangular items while continuing to shout for his favorite breakfast pastry.  

        "If no one wishes to deliver me my pastries, I guess I will take the next best thing!" Thor shouts as he lifts off a black coffee table and takes a bite out of it. 

        "Did he just... bite a table?" Bucky asks as he looks over at the (y/n).

        "He did and now I want to know what is in that liquor..."

        Thor's face twists into a grimace then spits out the chunk of wood from the table. His large body then thuds on the tile floor as he passes out from his drunkenness along with the table falling flat on him. This was now the second unruly and drunk Avenger that the duo had to deal with in less than thirty minutes.

        (Y/N) and Bucky then walks over to the god and lift him up. They set him down onto a couch to let him sleep off the liquor then proceed to return all the rectangular items to their rightful owners. Afterward, they returned to the bar to speak, while avoiding having any alcohol. They did not want to end up like their two teammates. 

* * *

**10:00 p.m.**

        Natasha sits up from the plush white couch and waves goodbye to her teammates while hooking her arm around Bruce. They leave the club quickly as Natasha wobbles a little from her tipsiness. (Y/N) sighs out in relief, at least the redhead knew when she had enough to drink. That was two fewer people to worry about later.

        "Wait, where's Sam?" Bucky almost jumps up from his seat and frantically looks around the dark club.

        "I think he said that he was going on the... roof. GOD DAMMIT!" (Y/N) quickly stands up and grabs the soldier's hand. 

        She drags Bucky to the staircase and they both make their way to the roof of the nightclub. Right on the edge of the roof was Sam with his arms open as if he was capable of flight. He closes his eyes and almost falls before Bucky pulls him back from the edge.

        "Sam! What the hell are you doing?" (Y/N) shouts at Sam while raising her hands in the air out of surprise and anger.

        Sam grins at the duo and starts speaking with a slight slur, "Hey guys! Ijustwantedtosee if I can fly. I think I can. Maybe I have done it before..."

        "No. You can't fly without wearing your suit, Sam." Bucky pulls Sam away from the edge again and sighs out in frustration. 

        "I have my suit on... I promisesh..." Sams replies before almost falling to the ground. Bucky holds him up and rolls his eyes.

        "You are being sent home, okay?" Bucky angrily says and sets down the veteran on the cement of the roof. 

        (Y/N) shakes her head and tries to keep her composure. Dealing with Thor and Tony were... easier than this. Sam trying to jump off the roof would have caused a bigger scandal that the (h/c) did not want to deal with. Thankfully, Bucky was here to assist her with all three of them.

* * *

**11:00 p.m.**

        The silver-hair speedster could not enjoy any alcohol due to his extremely fast metabolism, but the infamous playboy was going to find some other way to enjoy himself tonight. At the shared booth of the Avengers, he observed beautiful women in skimpy outfits on the glowing dance floor.  None of them had caught his eye until a pale, blue-eyed blonde made her way to the booth with a red-lipped smile. 

        "I'm Natalie," the blonde introduces herself and Pietro gestures for her to sit next to him.

        (Y/N) turns her head to see a blonde woman sitting next to her teammate and she rolls her eyes. She did not like Pietro in a romantic way, but she was just a friend worried that he would something dumb. Most civilians were not allowed in the living quarters of the tower and spending nights at civilians' homes was not advised (and could also lead to punishment). Before the (h/c) could even stand up to warn Pietro, the pair had disappeared. 

        (Y/N) then spotted his twin sister, Wanda, trying to dance on the glowing tiles of the dance floor. She tried to sway her body side to side, but the alcohol was making her very uncoordinated... although, Wanda was not a very good dancer when she was sober either. The (h/c) stood up from her bar stool and walked over to her companion. She taps the witch's soldier and Wanda turns around giving her teammate a drunk grin.

        "Hey, (Y/N)! How are you enjoying yourself?" Wanda greets her friend with a thicker accent than usual.

        "Not really. I think that we should start heading home. I do not want to deal with any more drama and the boss will be furious if anything else happens..." 

        "Fury-ous..." Wanda breaks out into a laugh with a small snort, "I see what you did there!"

        When Wanda was sober, she was a very calm and quiet person. She usually isolated herself unless there was dinner, a meeting, or training. (Y/N) found her very elusive and was surprised that drunk Wanda was the polar opposite. Right then and there on the TV screens above the bar, the usual gossip network of New York starting playing their theme song. The first story to pop up on the screen made (Y/N)'s heart drop to her stomach. 

        "Earth's Drunkest Heroes? Today we are going over the exclusive story of the wild night of our favorite heroes at a Manhattan nightclub. A steamy romance between an unnamed hero and Cap? A billionaire, playboy, philanthropist throwing up on a well-known bartender? And, a handsome blond man biting a table? Find out here now on NYC's hottest gossip show, The Biggest Apple." The reporter winks at the screen and images and videos of the night show up on the screen along with commentary. 

        "Fuck..." (Y/N) utters one word before spotting Bucky worriedly looking at the same TV screen. 

        Fury was surely going to find about this and he was **not**  going to be happy about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! My goal for this year is to rewrite almost all of my old works, including whole stories and even one-shots. I hope you enjoy this series. Not only will there be rewrites, but also new work coming soon (hopefully I will get to 50-100 installments by late 2019 or early 2020). 
> 
> ~ 🍒


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